Exhaustion

We’ve been traveling full time for almost five months. We’ve spent significant time - at least a week - in 14 (!) states or Canadian provinces. We’ve put almost 20,000 miles on our beleaguered Lexus LX470 and camped, AirBnB-ed, or hotel-ed the entire way.

I’m tired in my soul. Most days are a little hazy. The world often seems far away, unreachable, a construct instead of reality. The exhaustion extends in all directions and is incurable by food, coffee, exercise, or even sleep itself. Moving in time and space is work; eat, drive, walk, lie awake in bed at night.

I think, perhaps, it’s all just caught up with me.

In more lucid moments I remember that full time travel is essentially forcing yourself into constant change. There’s no rest - only the new thing - and that placed demands on you that are hard to be prepared for. It’s a fire sale of everything comfortable in life, the reliable and familiar, a home base, any frame of reference. Traveling also physically places you away from your usual support systems - friends, family - and mentally and emotionally creates a gap where they live in the “real world” and you’re just on a long ass vacation. How could you possibly complain to them? Even if they listen, would they understand?

Alas, life moves on. I know I’ll be okay. We - I - made the choice to travel relentlessly and that choice can be unmade. Travel is almost a universal good for the traveler and it’s been no different for me: I’ve experienced new things, had my preconceptions challenged, and have seen the amazing and ordinary with new eyes. Now I just need to figure out how to close them for a little while.